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I don’t know what standard protocol is, but I had the same problem for a long time. After years of trying to honor all of the picky requests that came in about when not to play, I got fed up a couple years ago and started having the band play every single time the action stops unless there’s an injured player or a flag on the play. The band kids have more fun, I have more fun, and the football coach goes out of his way to find me on Monday mornings and tell me how much he and the team enjoy having us there. We have no cheerleaders, so we don’t have to worry about coordinating with them- I think that’s another issue.
If there is a standard protocol, I’d be interested in hearing about it, too.